Evidence That You’re An Idiot Emperor If:|
Thanks to all those who contributed to this list.
Initial thread for the list.
Compiled by Atrocities.
1. On turn one your entire population riots.
2. You click "start game" and the "YOU LOOSE" ending comes up.
3. You build a huge fleet and when you need to move it, you discover that you forgot to add engines to your designs.
4. Your ships set off your own mine fields.
5. Your Weapon Platforms accidentally destroy one of your own ships.
6. The AI Ministers fire you!
7. Your population space themselves rather than be lead by you.
8. Your planets name is Dumbass
9. You name your first ship after Goofy
10. You scrap all of your facilities because they are taking up too much room at the start of the game.
11. Your empire is conquered and mass celebrations take place.
12. Your AI Ministers all resign.
13. You build your first star destroyer and it immediately blows up your home system.
14. When your ships get into combat, they immediately switch allegiance to the enemy's side even though the enemy doesn't have boarding parties nor allegiance subverters.
15. Every single turn, one or more of your planets declare independence.
16. Your ship ministers deliberately fly your ships into damaging storms and black holes.
17. The ship design minister puts three self-destruct devices on every ship.
18. You only put DUC I's on your ships in a game with high-technology start.
19. You take emotionless trait and 150% happiness for your race.
20. You choose Neutral as a racial trait.
21. You choose 5000 racial points but only use 2000
22. You name your race the "Pee Wee Fun House"
23. Your friends encourage you to play. (Think about it)
24. You refer to Space Empires IV as Space Empires Eye Vee.
25. When you encounter a new race, you surrender.
26. You lose to Atrocities.
27: You list 26 after 26 has already been listed (sorry couldn't resist 0
28. You entire navy consists of fighters, no carriers no capital ships, just fighters.
29. You decide to test a star killer weapon in your home system to see what happens.
30. Your people celebrate when the AI ministers put a bullet in your head.
31. Your ships hail you right out of space dock and go "Hey UP YOURS" before promptly firing a broadside into your palace.
32. You actually USE AI ministers.
33. The biggest ship you build is a rowboat and worse still you actually launch it into space with a crew....but you forgot that pesky vacuum thingy and don't give your crew spacesuits. (Very messy).
34. The name of your empire is "Suck it" (seen it done)
35. You not only loose to Atrocities, but you have lost first to Kwok and Starhawk.
36. You are convinced that DUC I is the best weapon in the game and the only weapon you will armor your ships with.
37. You believe armor is for weaklings.
38. Your empire motto is "Failure is the only option."
39. You gift all your colony ships to your enemy by mistake.
40. You surrender by accident to your enemy when you meant to refuse. (I have seen this done.)
41. You marry a Ketchup heiress for political funding hehehe. (Sorry sorry it's just something that came to my thoughts for some reason)
42. You're me. – Sachamo
43. The AI controls your turn, and does a better job.
44. You forget to put anything into your research queue on the first turn, throwing away 100k of research points (ahh, who needs 'em). (Oops, I did this one!!)
45 - Your ships refuses to obey your orders and they go away to form their own empire.
46 - You're defeated by me
47. You think that spaceflight is the utter evil and devote all your time to improvement of your Homeworld.
48. Your game crashes all the time with error "Fatal error, moronic players are not supported".
49. Your score is negative.
50. Your whole objective in life is to conquer your own rebelling worlds (which you cause to rebel repeatedly by stupid management).
51. You constantly receive messages from the AI empires offering to GIVE YOU some troops just to stop the rebelling worlds! And you’re dumb enough to accept!
52. You never build anything larger then an escort even when you have Super Monitors available because you just love the word Escort.
53. You spend hours on end trying to figure out why those tiny worthless ships are CALLED escorts when there is nothing in the game to escort.
54. You drop plague bombs on your own world to see what color your citizens will turn before they croak.
55. You dedicate your planet in memory of Gohmer Pile (sp)
56. All of your ships master computers are programmed by Microsoft.
57. Your ships master compute is a 386.
58. The last time you took an IQ test your score was negative 100.
59. You kill off all of your population over the number 1000 because you cannot count any higher.
60. If you accidentally shot yourself each time you clean your blaster.
61. You were the reason they put warning labels on Light Sabers.
62. If Jar Jar Binks is considered a genius by your standards.
63. If you repeatedly order your ships to crash into each other because you think the sound they make is funny.
64. If your code of arms is a picture of Elmer Fud. (sp)
65. If you have banned PBS broadcasting from your worlds because they killed off Elmo.
66. If you find that 5 colonized planets is a huge empire, which is impossible to manage.
67. 'You mean you can colonize planets?'
68. You give your entire empire to the enemy, simply "because they looked so cute and helpless".
69. The Phong enjoy eating your people for dinner, and you invite their ambassador (plus a few of his "personal guards" (aka, chefs specializing in preparing humans for dinner)) to dine with you, alone, in your private dining hall.
70. When neutron bombs are dropped on your homeworld, you order your ships to NOT attack, simply because you like the sizzling sound made when your people are vaporized.
71. If you win more battles when you forget to set your fleet strategies.
72. If you try to ram stars or warp points in tactical combat.
73. The only thing you are able do with your new warship is to scrap it.
74. You really think that there is enough room in the galaxy for two.
75. Your favorite strategy is called "Sitting duck".
76. If you make your ships not fire back because you like the colors they make when they blow up
77. The dog takes YOU for a walk.
78. You ignore the single enemy next to your home star.
79. You send your entire fleet after a lone enemy escort.
80. The single enemy escort wins.
81: You somehow manage to research Resource Converters, and put them on Repeat orders. Several months later, you are still wondering about what happened to your collapsing economy (do not worry though; you aren't the only one, as this mistake is probably one of the most common).
82: You have set your neighboring system(s) as "Systems to avoid", and ticked the "Ships should not travel through restricted systems" option. The same goes for minefields.
83: You have confused the "Demand surrender" option and "Surrender", and/or the "I want to be subjugated!" and "I want to subjugate you!".
84: You have been researching Tachyon Sensors and Organic gathering (from level IV to IX). In a high-cost research game.
85. You send your ships into random storms "because that's their mission, isn't it? To explore strange new worlds, seek out new life and civilizations, explore uncharted anomalies?"
86. You suddenly realize that all of your most trusted advisors are true blonds (not just the hair color).
87. You nuke your own home planet
87 a. You nuke your own home planet by mistake
88. The last thing you remember doing before you went to bed was alt ctrl del out of your game, and much to your surprise when you went to resume your game the next day there was no save game file.
89. You save your game but your computer deletes it out of shame.
90. You are barred from buying SE V.
91. You download SEIV off of the Internet thinking your clever and then discover you downloaded 1.49.
92. You order your planet killing drones to attack one of your worlds whole by mistake.
93. You solve your rebellion problem by blowing up the wrong planet.
94. You blow up your own home system to prove to your enemies that you are a mean SOB and that they should not mess with you.
95. Your people refer to you as the Pimple on Gods ass.
96. You are invited to dinner on an ally’s home world and when you arrive you present them with a gas bill for your mileage.
97. Your Queen is also your Sister.
98. Your troops are so stupid that they are beaten in combat simply by placing a single vanishing bomb in their path with the words "Pick Me Up" printed upon it which they all do one by one until there are none left. 'They have to be realllly dumb to fall for this one.'
99. You military leaders are all cross-eyed and have failed first grade.
100. Evidence That You’re An Idiot Emperor If you identify with five or more of these entries
101. You have never finished a game......ever. Because you always inevitably someone else's game over yours. (I've done this....every time.
102. Built an expensive planet builder and then sent it to a system with no sun.
103. You think that SEIV is a dull game because it doesn't allow you build even Pub I and Wal-Mart I facilities.
104. You believe that numbers "74% 37% 136%" in the planet window mean the strength of alcohol drinks produced there.
105. You spend several days starting at your TV, trying to figure out where is the APB channel. ("American Premium Broadcasting")
106. You refuse to cross any wormhole since an AI has told you to "beware of strange wormholes".
107. Likewise, you took the "mineral planets are the best" motto too literally, and only build mineral extractors. You wonder why your two DUC I escorts have been beaten by one hundred APB XII dreadnoughts.
108. You have been crushed by said dreadnoughts, and still wonder at that. You thought these ships were actually called "Dread-nots", and carefully followed this instruction.
109. You just spend the whole game building star killers then nova every system you see.
110. You NOVA BOMB your allies entire navy by accident (someone did that to me and I was pissed I lost 140 dreadnoughts/super dreadnoughts and about 2000 troops!
111. You declare every Thursday "free booze night" for your Empire and are surprised when the enemy suddenly attacks every Thursday during happy hour.
112. Your National Anthem is "Shake your Booty" or "Disco Inferno".
113. Your leader's name is Bubbah and your highest level of military technology is "Da Shot Gun"...
114. You run your empire like the Federation of Planets (I.E. you make peace with everyone even after they butcher millions of your people.)
115. You put being friendly and helping potential competitors above the good of your own people.
116. You allow neighbors, and allies, who could turn on you in 10 years free reign through your systems to spy on all your planets and defenses.
117. You don't start exterminating every last religious zealot in a race as soon as you discover them.
118. You are a religious Zealot with the ability to use the Talisman but never do because it goes against your religion.
119. You are the Federation of Planets.
120. You believe that it is better to wait 20 turns before you begin colonizing space on the assumption that faster engines, via 20 turns of research, will make you colonize faster thus making up the time you lost. (I have seen it done people)
121. You forget to bring along some of your own species on every troopship that just traveled 5 turns to get to a planet you plan on conquering because "hey! That's MY atmosphere and it's HUGE!"
122. When sent a message demanding your surrender, you “accept” because your misread the message and thought they were offering to surrender to you.
123. You forget to scoop up some captive "other Breathers" before jettisoning them out of sheer frustration associated with having done 121
124. You are lucky enough to be able to capture a planet but find to your displeasure that the people of said planet breath a different atmosphere than you so you annihilate them and repopulate the planet with your own people using domed colonies. Duhhhhhhhhhhhh
"Well if they don't breath oxygen, I have no need for them."
125. If you repeatedly use one or more of the following more than once a turn:
Comment 1 “WTF”
Comment 2 “What does Scarp do?”
Comment 3 “I wonder what will happen if I accept this offer to surrender?”
126. You are actually a pacifist! (Seen it done a guy relies on trading tech and builds ships for other players and sold it to them at discount, eventually one of the sides turned on him and WHAM instant death).
127. You build thousands of satellites yet forget to launch them into orbit of your worlds (AI does that allot!)
128. Your main weapons are the DU cannon and L5 missile even during late game.
129. You equip your ships with ONLY wave motion guns (done that one, lost my whole navy in two battles and completely redesigned every one of my ships).
130. Your main goal in life is to make friends and you consider all races equal
131. Your starships have a self-destruct button right next to the flusher in the lou.....bad things result.
132. Your ships apparently have no bathrooms and have to stop off regularly because the captain has to take a tinkle.
133.Your AI minister over rules your choices.
134.All of you ministers organize a revolt and your empire is broken into sub sections.
135.You don’t speak the same language as your own people.
136. You're trying to balance the weapons and abilities from Earth & Beyond and translate them to SE4.
137. You play the Jenquai in the resulting mod.
138. You are looking at this thread for hints on how to make your Empire Better!!
139. When you get your combat replay, you grab your joystick and fly your ships in combat. Your main strategy is trying to improve a killer joystick move to dodge enemy attacks. You are trying all the trick combat moves from Mortal Kombat III to see if they do anything cool in SE4.
140. You think Counter Intelligence I is the best mission, since you can complete it sooner than any of the others.
141. You confuse minesweeper with minelayer components, and are surprised when your attack fleet gets blown up when it was protected by several... empty minelayers. (I've done this.)
142. You cut back on engines on your ships in unmodded SE3 or SE4, to make room for other things and/or to save resources.
143. You argue for days and days on the SE4 forum about how Escorts with ECM III and only one engine are the ultimate game-winning design because you think they will almost never get hit. (Someone kept this up for an amazingly long time).
144. You keep sending speed-2 Proportions mod colony ships trying to cross black hole systems, but for some reason they never seem to be able to warp out.
145. You respond by sending warships to the black hole sector to try to blow it up with direct-fire weapons at it.
146. You consider your Green Giant system to be the best one in your empire, right after your Stellar Core system.
147. Your homeworld defense plans revolves around hoping alien invaders will be frightened by the unbelievable size of the Green Giant and the Stellar Core graphics.
148. Your homeworld warp point defenses consist of 100 satellites equipped with self-destruct devices and nothing else. You figure they can't be swept by minesweepers, and the first 100 enemy ships ought to be taken care of by those, since they each have enough explosives to destroy an enemy ship of any size.
149. You build World Ships with no components and then send colonizers to them to try to establish colonies on them.
150. You annihilate unarmed alien populations because you find it too much work to try to use troops.
151. Your empire has a super-powerful technology, which you can't learn how to pronounce.
152. You can't even pronounce "nuclear".
153: You don't notice that number 122 is missing until you read number 153
154. You did notice 122 was missing but you figured "What the hell nobody would notice" (guilty)
155. It's Nukular
156. Your Emperor is "Homer" or Philip J Fry
157. You put one engine on your fighters.
158. The home system defense plan includes "Green balls of goo".
159. You always get saved by that pesky Deux Ex Machine
160. Your best captain is named Kirk and his first officer is mister Fukov
161. Your empire password is “Password”
162. You skipped 161 because it was just going to be a Vulcan joke.
163. Your Race' ambassador is a purple telletubi (sp?), or for that matter any teletubbies.
164. You have your scientists dissect your ambassador because you want to know what the hell a telletubi is...
165. Your emperor portrait is exactly the same as your population picture.
166. If you are first for the war, then against it before you were for it just before you were against it again.
167. If you’re bid for office is endorsed by the galaxies most wanted terrorist the day before the election.
168. If you believe the people who crashed hijacked passenger transports into your capitol were really just victims and not terrorists.
169. If you won your appointment to office by suing the election process and whining and throwing temper tantrums until you got your way.
170. If your soul goal in becoming the leader of your people is to abolish their civil rights, suspend the constitution and declare marshal law because you saw that Emperor dude do it in Star Wars and get away with it.
171. If you believe you are the Emperor from Star Wars.
172. If the Force is NOT with you.
173. If you believe in the force and know it’s not with you.
174. If your health care provider is also your population control bureau.
175. If you allow the free press to be free.
176. If you choose the Neutral happiness trait
177. If you try to build a station in a black hole sector (is this even possible)
178. If you get your butt kicked by the AI
179. If you blow up you’re home planet reenacting Star Wars
180. You construct Sphere World or Ring World pieces in planetary orbit.
181. You simultaneously construct 10 colony ships only to discover you failed to include an engine in the design.
182. You automate your factories that produce automated death machines.
183. You make satellites with DUCI and fortify a warp point, expecting them to hit (they have 1 range).
184. You don't keep track of your minerals; so one ship manages to destroy your homeworld because you don't have enough minerals left to build a weapons platform.
185. You get ancient race trait, find the enemy homeworld, realize that the warp point is within six range, move your attack ship to the other side of the warp point, and then cackle with glee since you believe you will ambush their homeworld through a warp point before they have a chance to build weapons platforms. Too bad you forgot to turn off "ships stop when entering new systems and encountering enemy ships" option.
186.Your dreaded "shock troops" are really just Star Wars Imperial Stormtroopers in blue instead of white. (Think about how good Stormtroopers are and you'll get it )
187. You build 1 super monitor and a bunch of transports and let your empire be destroyed planet by planet so you can reenact Battlestar Galactica.
188. You have to take control of the AI because they are doing better then you all the time.
189. You believe saying "May the Force Be With you" before every battle will allow your dramatically outnumbered and outclassed fleet to win.
190. The AI constantly sends you messages saying, "Please buddy stop fighting me my crews are getting tired killing so many of you."
191. The AI that keeps kicking your royal ass is a Decapoidian ship set
192. If the AI that is kicking your ass is set to NO BONUS, and is a negative -50% to all characteristics with no advanced trait and the Neutral Culture.
193. You miss those very important reports about a star exploding because it got lost amongst the numerous Lack of Resources reports, only to miss the further reports of the explosion later on because of the same Lack of Resources reports, and only make the discovery later on when the colony ship with no supplies left you sent to colonize a planet there, finally makes it to where the planet used to be and informs you that there's nothing there to colonize.
194. Your weak, pathetic enemy waits until your entire mighty war fleet falls into total disrepair from lack of maintenance and is written off, before launching a single successful attack, which causes every planet in your empire to rebel.
195. Your home star goes nova 2 years after the game starts and your outlying colonies fall within a year when the Cue Cappa and Phong begin invading your space, your shattered navy is destroyed in two battles and you don't even have enough colony ships or transport ships to get the millions of citizens of the dying worlds.
196. If you name your ships the following names.
Compiled by Atrocities.
Copyright © by the author, posted with permission.
Published on: 2005-03-31 (3502 reads)[ Go Back ] - [ Humor Lists ] - [ Content Home ]